I need your advice...I have been dating a man about 9 years older than me for about 4months. We always go out to dinner and do fun things together. We have shared information about our past relationships and about our future. He has shared with me that he is in love with me, wants to spend the rest of his life with me and has never felt this way about a woman, especially in his past relationships. Things are going pretty well, however, there is just one problem. His female friends. Most of his friends are female and about twenty years ago, he was intimate with the three friends that he considers to be his "best" friends now. These women obviously are in dismay b/c I am the new woman on the block. One, in particular, got a hold of his phone, forwarded his calls to her phone and checked his email while he was away from the computer. She got my email address and constantly emailed that she wanted to meet me. He found out what she did and was mad about it. He told her how inappropriate it was and how she needed to deal with him moving on with his life. She even left me a voicemail stating that the two of them were getting married in the fall of next year. I forwarded her voicemail to him and he said basically that she has some serious mental issues and that he has never proposed to her...that she bought her own engagement ring. However, he still stays in contact with her and is a support system for her b/c she left for the military. I understand that men have female friends and he says that I have nothing to be concerned about, but my thing is that these women are in love with him and feel as if they own him. If they need something, they come to him. They always depend on him. So, I am asking, should I be concerned? He is very consistent. He always calls me and is attentive to my needs, etc. I am not intimidated by these women; it's just that they need to move on.
They need to move on? Did U actually say that “they” need to move on? “Getta Life,” U need to GET A LIFE and U need to move on! Having friends is a wonderful thing. It is great that your man has friends. It appears as if he has three very “wonderful” friends. So wonderful, that one has even called you and stated that she and your manfriend are getting married. He states that she is crazy … so crazy that she brought her own engagement ring? Birds of a feather flock together. You say that these women are in love with him and they think that they own him? Well, they do. You have only known this brotha for four months and they have known him for 20 years...well, should I say that they have been sleeping with him on and off for twenty years...that would be a more appropriate description of the relationships. Sista, I hate to be harsh, but even Stevie Wonder can see this. This brotha wants to have a full fledged harem and I think that having three or more women constitutes just that and by golly …you are on your way to being the fourth woman. Look, if you still want to deal with this brotha and you want to see whether or not he really loves you, simply tell him that these women are tormenting you and that he will have to end these co-dependent relationships with them or you will have no choice but to move on. There is no other way to handle this situation. Either he will “say” that he will cut them loose … and of course he will not cut them loose. He will still continue to see them on the sly because he has known them for twenty years and he enjoys the drama and/or the sex or he will simply tell you that he will NOT cut them lose and you have to accept the situation the way it is, because they are “just friends” …. yadayadayada…. Either way, you are screwed. Hey, the choice is yours ….you can continue to be naive or you can drop this playa, because that “crazy” chick ain't lying...he WILL marry her next fall (brothas always end up marrying the crazy ones) and find a brotha with a little less drama. Check your self esteem. Look at yourself in the mirror and like what you see. YOU ARE WORTHY OF BETTER! Relationships are not meant to be this complicated and if they start out that way, they will surely remain that way.
Sistafriend, this dating thang, like sales, is a numbers game. The more “no-good brothas” you run into, the closer you get to a “decent” one…..…..and always remember this age old African proverb: She who remains naive and sees life through rose colored glasses, will always get shitted on by no-good brothas …
“Getta Life”……Get Real…I am rooting for ya!