Hey Rachel,
I am a gay male living in an apartment complex in midtown Atlanta where many of the other males in the complex are living “in the closet.” I do not believe in living a secret life. My family has been aware of my preference since Jr. High school. Recently, I encountered a real “in the closet” moment. My best friend, who happens to be a female, had been sleeping with someone that she has never introduced me to. Finally, she decided to take me with her to the club in order for us to meet. The club was packed and we immediately got separated. After a few hours, I noticed one of the boys that I had been intimate with, who also lives in my complex, and proceeded to go and speak to him … undercover, of course… b/c he does not want anyone to know about us. As I walked over to him, I noticed that my sisterfriend was having a heated conversation with him. I walked up and they stopped bickering and she quickly introduced me to her “sleepmate” … as she calls him. She says that she calls him that b/c he won’t commit. I was dumbfounded. I knew that we had a hidden relationship, but I didn’t know that she was the one that we were hiding it from. I could go deeper into the story, but I won’t. The boy and I met later and he swore me to secrecy. Rachel, should I tell my friend about our relationship or continue to let her think that she is dealing with a straight boy?
WayOut
Hey U,
I’m so glad that you even give a damn! We have all read about and some of us have even been touched by the “down low” escapades of many of the males, especially the brothas, in the gay community. I applaud you for having the strength to live your life out in the open, despite all that you have to endure. I also understand how hard it is for others to make and live by such a decision and for that reason, I will not pass judgement.
WayOut, you have three choices, either you can inform your sisterfriend about her “down low” boyfriend, you can stop seeing him and keep quiet, or continue to see him and keep quiet. Hmmm…. Let’s take a look at all three scenarios …
Informing her …. By telling her, you might just be saving her life. You and the “closet” dude may be careful, but, is the “closet” dude careful with the other guys or girls he may be sleeping with?
Stop seeing him and keep quiet … Well, why should you tell? Why cause a whole bunch of shiznit? Your sisterfriend and the “closet” guy are not in a committed relationship and neither are the two of you …Go ahead, stop seeing him and keep quiet. Let her continue to be hoodwinked and bamboozled and catch something that she can’t get rid of… I mean, what are friends for?
Continue to see him and keep quiet…. Well, why should you stop seeing him? Your sisterfriend and the “closet” guy are not in a committed relationship and neither are the two of you …Go ahead, continue to see him and don’t tell your sisterfriend. Let her continue to be hoodwinked and bamboozled and let the both of you catch something that neither of you can get rid of…
Let’s see, from the likes of things, both of your azzes had better stop seeing this guy in order to save both of your lives. If he is lying about his lifestyle, then what else is he lying about? As we all know, let’s be honest, many folks are crazzzyyy and do not use protection, especially after dating a person for a long while. One will look at another’s physical appearance and determine their medical condition. Hell, Magic Johnson is the healthiest lookin’ person that I know. The truth of the matter is that your sisterfriend and the “closet” guy were probably arguing b/c your sisterfriend is becoming emotionally attached to this guy, despite what she says.
WayOut, if you allow this secret to continue, you are only adding fuel to the fire. I can’t tell you what to do, as I know you have a vested interest in both parties ….but, what I can do is give you one to grow on …. If you answer NO to this question, then you know what you must do ….Opening your mouth will definitely cause a whole lot of grief, but, R U ready to deal with the consequences of "NO ACTION?"
You decide.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
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Rachel, what is the name of the apartment complex? We ladies are in trouble. Men need to be honest with women. They can kill us with thier dishonesty. A word to women: If a man does not want to be with you. run, because he could be gay.
ReplyDeleteWhy is this man even thinking about not telling his friend? Doesn't he know that he is putting her life in jeopardy.
ReplyDeleteI applaud him for living out of the closet, but anyone who knows of anyone living in the closet should tell on that person
Being gay has become the in thing. I live in Atlanta and everyone is open. This really scares me because it seems as if this is happening everywhere. Thanks for the post rachel.
ReplyDeleteI am wondering why he has to write you to ask you whether he sould tell or not. There should be no hesitation. This is reckless behavior.
ReplyDeleteYou guys are reallly hard on the lifestyle. It is pretty hard to be black and gay. I have a brother who has been fighting withthis for years. there needs to be more compassion.
ReplyDeleteRachel, we need to keep this discussion in the limelight. Women are dying. I wonder if he told his friend
ReplyDeleteRachel, if the black race accepted homosexuality, black men would not have to be fearful about coming out of the closet. We need to embrace our mixed up brothers so that they will stop killing our women. As ist stands, Aids is rampant on the college campuses.
ReplyDeleteWayOut, you did say that this woman is your best friend ! Please tell her what's going on even if it's incognito, find some way of telling her the truth. Time is wasting and every day she's with this man it's like a time bomb ticking waiting to explode. You need to be careful has well, this type for person is a dangerous... Secrets and lies never keep, they always come to light.
ReplyDeleteSOOOOO SAD!
ReplyDeleteRachel,
ReplyDeleteHow can a man be this dishonest? As black men, we are going to have to do better. I am not gay, but I do feel for the ladies. All that I can say is that women, if you think a man is not what he appears, follow your gut.
Wowsers is all I can say. Personally if this was a girl who met her friend's sleep mate and found out they were dealing with the same guy, we would say something. So in this situation, someone needs to speak up. Who knows who this guy is sleeping with. Women we have to hold the panties hostage, because this right here is a real problem with real consequences.
ReplyDelete